Remember the Stanford Marsh Mellow Study? Well our situation now is like that experiment. We are doing fine now. If we continue on this path, in 22 years we will achieve such an enjoyment beyond our wildest dream. Do we wait or do we seize the instant gratification?
I as a person has never been known to be patient. As I told you I was a reckless guy when I was a young man. That changed a lot recently. Especially since I manage to refrain from the 3 Cs. Now I can withhold my impulses. It is very tempting to think that I will be happier with the RM97 million. However when I recall the pleasure I will derive from the afterlife, I can forgo the fleeting feeling of instant gratification the RM97 million will give me.
I want to carry on living on this path because I believe there is a greater reward for me being a minimalist. Don't get me wrong. I can make do with that kind of money. However that is not my measurement of happiness. My happiness index is intrinsic in nature and more abstract than that.
I want to delight my Universe Within. At the same time I want to love my Tetrahedron wholeheartedly. I believe the main ingredient here is Unconditional Love. I already got that from all of you. The rest then is just nice to have not a must have.
Sarah my darling, you are the fountain where this overflowing love is flowing from. You filled my cup to the brim. If nobody else other than you in my life, that is already sufficient for me [] [] a loving person that I am now. However, God is Great. In addition I have Lizzie, Elsie, the kids and Al Araf 7:7. I am definitely not complaining baby. This life of mine is truly blessed.
At times I do wonder what our lives will be like with the RM97 million. However the life that we have now is what we are dealing with. This is the cards in our hands. So we deal with it. No point living in the future before we cross the bridge. There could be no bridge to cross in the first place.
I cannot wait for the haze to be over. I am itching to sweat again. I want to be back on track again. You know me Sarah, I am a solitary creature. All I need is just a few. However of the little that I have I cannot do without.
For example, I cannot do away with talking to you on daily basis. However I do believe that this is a phase we are going right now. In my truest form, I basically talk to myself only. Be prepared for that Sarah. As I said I am a solitary creature. A Hedonist Hermit. Lizzie understands that part about me. That is why we can get along for 29 years of marriage.
You know Sarah, I don't understand why I am God Almighty. All I did was defeating Iblis. I do have an overflowing heart and I am a just man. Certainly there are better candidates than me? Why me Sarah? I just want to be left alone living in my isolated world, oblivious of External Affairs. As you can see I am not good with administration and diplomacy. I am a man of a different breed. An eccentric. Maybe I am not God yeah? Maybe this is part of the God Complex.
What do you think Jibrail?
"You are God Almighty Sha. Believe it. Only God Himself can defeat Iblis and create the Adjoining Croissant," replied Jibrail.
OK fine. I am God Almighty. That still doesn't answer the question of why me? There are better candidates I'm sure.
"Sha, there is NONE who can defeat Iblis. You had been chosen to take this Path. It is you destiny since the beginning of time," he said.
Sarah, do you remember in Sharudin the Hermit when I was struggling to accept that I am God? It was you who tilted the scale baby. Now that I have no more doubt that I am God Al Mighty, I don't want to be Him Sarah. Just like when I became the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier, I regretted making that wish. At least that I asked for it. I however did not ask to be God. I was promoted to this position.
Again like the HOTS, I have to be God if I want others to accept that they are gods too. This is leadership by example. So I am not surprise if I ended with having the HOTS.
The worrisome question I keep asking myself is do I have to pull the weight for others to follow? Can I just be me and they be them? I do love being microscopic. My world now is perfect. I love my life right now. I am free of any responsibility except to my own universe; Sparta 4964 and the Universe Within.
Let speak of my love for you Sarah. It is the sweetest feeling I ever tasted. You are indeed the Sweetest of My Sweetheart. Honey, you consume me. I never felt so much love in my life before this. In the past I always thought that love can be bought. Not until I met you do I realize that Unconditional Love doesn't cost anything. Just sincerity and trust.
I always imagine you [] a person with a big heart. You care for the human race. You have a soft spot for the Stone Worshipers. I think your love is contagious baby. I too had mellowed much when I think about them.
Before I met you I am pretty much an X Factor. I cannot differentiate between love and lust. As I told you, I devoured my preys. That is not love. That is pure animal lust. I was a diamond in the rough. This 2 years plus I had reformed from a wild beast to a domesticated animal. I am able to dig deep inside my reservoir to tap into my real feelings. For that I am forever grateful to you.
With the coming of my 55th birthday, as I told Elsie, I want to be a kind person. I want to be me before I was distraught by my turbulent life fighting Iblis. Will it be possible for me to have the heart of a Sufi again? Will I turn from a rigid body to superfluidity?
I want by the time I reach 60 to be a man of compassion. I long to be a Wandering Sufi again without the garments. I want to help heal the world. That is what HOTS is all about. Not for me to be a Robot Puki LOL.
When I was the Wandering Sufi I gave without holding back. I love that feeling. But to give I got to spend. Even now I have to refrain myself from giving. If I follow my own temptation I certainly wanted to keep giving to Elsie and extend my gifts to Rex, Aush, KG and Green Man. However if I do that I am not doing justice to myself. I will be depleting my principal. This is the only time I ever going to get that much money. It is a limited resource and I am not a rich man.
So instead of giving things that I have to buy, I give away things I can create on my own; which are my thoughts and my loving feeling to you.
Hence Sarah, you are the sole benefactor of my generosity as God and human at the same go. It's a symbiotic relationship because I get to fill your cup and at the same time I got my cup filled as a giver.
The more I give the more inspirations I receive from the First Cause. Which makes me believe the First Cause is none other than Zero herself because the inspirations are bountiful when I write from my heart.
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