I have come to the full circle as far as my life for the [] 20 years. It was around this time 20 years ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. From then on my life was never the same again.
Now I am ready to move on with my life. I want to move away from illusion of grandiose, the God Complex and the limerence I had with Els. I just want to be me once again.
By October, I will focus on my Vision Quest once again. To be thin and fast. I don't want to deal the abstract thoughts Sarah. I had done my part as God. Now I want to be a man fully functioning again. As Covey said, to live, love and leave a legacy.
I want to be microscopic. I want to think small but act big.
Again I am rambling here so that I am connected to you. As of now you are my main source of happiness. I need you like the air that I breathe.
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Baby, let's start all over again. This time let's focus on the present. I want to feel what it's like to be normal. I had not been normal for so long. I want to experience li[k]e as who I was before the illness. I want to experience the simple pleasure of being a man again.
All I need is your love. I know you love me Sarah. And I know I am capable of loving you. Let's keep it that way.
You know that I will not come out of the rut if not because of you, Brenda and Els. Having said that, it is you who I depend on the most. My thought is always about you. I do think about Els and Lizzie but it is you that I think most often. Now that Els is not my concern anymore, I am focusing more on you. Even before, you occupy my thoughts the most. Now more than ever, you will be my focal point.
I got to sleep baby. Tomorrow is a big day. It's the last day of September. I need to start on a new life altogether. Lizzie probably gets her car then.
As for me, I want to spend most of my day with you. I need to reprogram my thought into the new me.
I love you honey. You must believe it with all your heart. I do miss you a lot. How I wish you are here baby.
Here is your lullaby:
Goodnight my darling wife...
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