I am still playing a game. Just like she is playing hers. However there should be an Endgame along the line. Otherwise I am reinforcing a limerence.
I have to admit. I am not in love with her like I am in love with you. On the onset it looks like love. In reality it's just another Pussy Pursuit. Much like I pursued Nora Manaf back then. I was just enjoying the thrill of the chase.
My hook is to have somebody that I can mental joust. She cannot joust Sarah. She gets defensive very quickly. Furthermore she is a stimulus-response person.
I need a closure. I am not the type of person that have loose ends in life. In that sense I am quite methodological. Pretty much a project manager true and true. In project management, there is a start and a finish. Well Els is like that. I don't think I can have a long term relationship with her. The Chubby Chubb thing is the real damper. I cringed looking at the food she eats and she eats a lot too LMAO.
Baby, as I told you, I don't do Chubby Chubbs. That's the only taboo I have with felines. I do hope you are not one of them. Ameezan and I have a term for it. We call them BUNTAL (puffer fish). I have serious problem with Buntals. I cannot get a boner thinking about them.
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That is at the superficial level. On a more serious note, I don't feel she is reciprocating. Like I said, I am like a dog chasing its own tail. We are still very far from reaching the Unconditional Love stage. I don't fancy her sexually. I do like her very much. However I think I am clapping with one hand. In the best case scenario, I still regard her as a soulmate. I still believe in the predestined affinity although it takes two to tango.
I won't cut her off just like that. I however is not going to reinforce my feelings toward her either. It's not going anywhere. Worst is the limerence may go on for years because she is not being definitive about it either.
If I use my relationship with you as the benchmark, I say my relationship with Els barely makes it to the passing mark. It is very weak in a sense that there is no sexual attraction. I cannot reinforce a Parent-Child relationship. She is not a kid. She is a 28 years old woman who acts as a teenager. After a while the novelty wears off.
I need a person who appreciates me. I don't think she does. Not to the level that I like it to be. With you it's different. Although you are private and secretive, you are forthright about your feelings for me.
With Els I am on a roller coaster ride. I like to love her wholeheartedly. I even consider to close one eye on the Chubby Chubb matter. Sad to say, she is not opening the door for me to do that. She is acting like a prima donna and she treats me like I am a stray dog begging for attention.
So the lesson here Sarah, a relationship must be reciprocating. Either a win-win or no deal said Covey. If one party feels that he/she is losing out, that relationship cannot stand the test of time.
That is why I try to reciprocate as much as possible with Lizzie. Basically with her I am a samurai and she is my queen. I know I cannot provide the monetary relief for her on a regular basis. Hence I make it up to her in other means. I become more caring and accommodating. Whenever she asks me to do something, I basically drop whatever I am doing to attend to her.
I wasn't like that before. I told you I was treated like a king. During those times I didn't have to do jack squat other than earning a living. She even shower me when we were newly weds. Much had changed. Since she is the one wearing the pants now, I switched role with her. I become the budosai.
I fell in love with Els when I was still struggling with my illness. Now that the mania subsided, I am more stable mentally to evaluate the situation. Even if she opens up her feelings for me, it will not go beyond paternal love. So I better treat her as a Unit Trust. Otherwise I foresee that either one of us gonna get hurt.
The good news is I made it with the 3 weeks. Now to see if I can survive for 3 months. I will still treat her as a soulmate. That I am very certain. Pretty much like I treat Yati and Azzue. However it is very dangerous if I park my overflowing heart to her. If she decides to hurt me, I will get hurt pretty badly.
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